Reverend Joe Iadanza

I really love weddings! And not just the big moment at the end when everybody cheers and you walk back down the aisle married. I love getting to know the two amazing people who are about to do this thing. I love hearing how you met, what made you fall for each other, what drives each other completely crazy, and all the little pieces of your story that somehow got you here. Then I get to turn all of that into your ceremony.

For me, the best wedding ceremonies have some laughter, some heart, maybe a few unexpected tears, and absolutely no sense that everyone is killing time and waiting to get to the cocktail hour. Your wedding should feel like you and represent your hopes, dreams, values, beliefs, and the journey you’ve taken together, and by the time everyone does get to the party and rest of the celebration, my favorite compliments comes from guests who ask after the ceremony: “Wait…how long have you guys known each other?”

That’s when I know I did my job.

The truth is, I never planned on being a wedding officiant. I’ve always been more focused on spiritual study. After years of doing my own inner work; examining old fears and patterns, and trying to move through the world a little more consciously; that journey led me to an Interfaith Seminary, where I studied from 2014 to 2016. My intention wasn’t to perform weddings. I wanted the education and spiritual framework to work with people exploring their own spiritual lives. Learning to create and perform ceremonies was simply part of the training.

A couple of years later, my daughter went off to college and I discovered what college costs. Suddenly, performing ceremonies sounded like a very good idea! lol! That’s when I connected with Pastor April Gismondi. She basically told me to go away. Actually, her language may have been slightly more colorful than that! But toward the end of 2018, April called me back and gave me four weddings. Four became eight. Eight became forty. And somewhere along the way, this thing I’d never planned on doing turned out to be something I really loved.

A few years later, April asked me, “What are you doing for the next ten years?” I didn’t particularly want to answer her, because the truth was, I still hadn’t planned any of this. And yet, here I am. Since those first four weddings, I’ve taken over the team here at Long Island Wedding Officiants and have now performed over 1,200 ceremonies; from big, fully custom weddings to intimate elopements and simple civil ceremonies. I do baby blessings and memorial services too. What started as a way to help put my daughter through college became one of the great unexpected joys of my life.

Turns out, I really love doing this. Which is probably why April knew where this was headed before I did.

I don’t use questionnaires for my weddings. There’s nothing wrong with them, but I think there’s a temptation to come up with the right answers. The romantic answers. The answers we’re supposed to give when someone asks why we love the person we’re marrying. I’m much more interested in the real answers.

After you book me for a custom ceremony, we’ll jump on zoom together for about an hour. and talk about what you want to include, what you don’t, religion or spirituality, traditions that matter to you, and what you want the ceremony to feel like. But mostly, I want to hear about the two of you. I ask questions. I listen. I watch how you react to each other’s answers. I notice the look that passes between you when somebody tells a particular story. I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking for that beautiful human element. Somewhere in that conversation, I usually find a thread; a value you share, something you’ve been through together, something funny, something tender, or sometimes just one tiny detail that says something much bigger about who you are together.

That’s where I start writing.

After roughly 1,200 ceremonies, I’ve learned when a room needs to laugh, when to let a moment breathe, when tradition adds meaning, and when it doesn’t. Every couple needs a slightly different balance of storytelling, humor, emotion, tradition, spirituality, and simplicity. Then I send the ceremony to you and it becomes collaborative. Change something. Remove something. Add something. Tell me I got something completely wrong. Decide that a crazy story you told me is perhaps not something Grandma needs to hear… There’s no arbitrary limit on revisions. It’s not finished until you love it.

Writing your ceremony is only part of my job. When I arrive at a venue, I get myself set up and check in with the maître d’, DJ or musicians, photographer, and videographer. I make sure everyone knows what’s happening, how long the ceremony will be, and whether there are any special moments or cues they need to know about. After doing this many times, you learn that little things matter; so if you slowly drift into the aisle, I’ll subtly get you back where the photographer needs you. If the sun shifts into your eyes, I’ll see if I can move you. If you get teary-eyed, I’ve got a tissue ready. If the best man suddenly looks like he’s forgotten what the heck wedding rings are, I’ve got him covered.

And sometimes it’s not a little thing. I’ve dealt with sudden weather changes, missing rings, nervous brides, extreme heat, and people getting sick or fainting during ceremonies. I’ve learned how to handle the unexpected without letting the unexpected overrun the ceremony.

That’s one of the things experience gives you. After all of this time, there isn’t much that surprises me anymore. But it does happen! And when it does, I’ve learned how to deal with those surprises without transferring that stress to you, because you shouldn’t have to spend your wedding ceremony wondering what happens next. That’s my job. Your job is to be there, look at the person you’re marrying, and fall in love with them all over again.

Enough of me going on and on about myself :) Here are a few words from some of the couples I’ve had the privilege of marrying:

“Everyone at our ceremony came up to us and asked us how we knew Rev. Joe. They thought he was someone who had known us for many years by the way he spoke about us.” — Jessica, WeddingWire WeddingWire

“He listened intently, asked thoughtful questions, and somehow within one hour he was able to create a beautiful ceremony that perfectly captured the essence of our high school sweethearts tale.” — Jillian, The Knot The Knot

“He also had great awareness of the little details—he even stepped out of the way for our first kiss without us having to ask, which made for a perfect photo moment!” — Marisa, The Knot

Still curious? Read more reviews on Google, Brides of Long Island, The Knot, or WeddingWire.